HURTING

MY SON
IS GONE
HE BREATHES NO MORE
THE ONE WHO CAUSED THIS
STILL LIVES ON
EMOTIONS ARE HIGH
MIXED AND MESSED
DAN WAS BLESSED
HAD DREAMS
SO MANY
BUT NIGHTMARES RULED CONTROLLED
FEAR TOOK HOLD
THE UNKNOWN

PAIN RULES MY DAYS AND NIGHTS

MY SON.....ALWAYS IN MY HEART

You were took away
from my warm embrace
As I kissed your cheeks
and touched your face
My tears rolled down
to a river of love
As I watched a light
rise up above
I held your hand
for a silent sign
As an angel whispered softly
This was your time.




HOW CRUEL THAT YOU WERE TAKEN FROM ME
BECAUSE OF YOUR FATHERS HOSTILITY
HIS RAGE
HIS ANGER
HIS VIOLENT TEMPER
YOUR BREATH STOLEN
BEFORE IT BEGAN
HOW DOES HE LIVE WITH SUCH GUILT?

UK. NEWS

'Over Half Of Women Suffer Domestic Violence'

Friday, 3rd February 2006, 08:19


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
LIFE STYLE EXTRA (UK) - More than half of British woman have been the victims of domestic violence, reveals a disturbing new survey.

A total of 52 per cent said they had been hit by their partner, with 36 per cent saying they had been forced to have sex by a partner.

Despite unanimous agreement that aggression of any sort is not acceptable in a relationship, 19 per cent said physical abuse happens regularly.

In the survey of 500 readers of women's magazine Prima, more than a third said they have been subject to threats so terrifying they thought their life was in danger.

The types of violence reported were not all physical abuse. More than two-thirds (68 per cent) admitted they had been called hurtful names by a partner and been subject to other types of control and intimidation.

Many (42 per cent) said they had been isolated after being stopped from seeing friends and family, 40 per cent have been told what they can and cannot wear, and a quarter have been followed when they went out.

Maire Fahey, editor of Prima, said: "We were not expecting the figures to be as high as they are and I have to admit we were quite shocked by them.

"The reason we decided to carry out the survey was that we received a mountain of mail in response to several cases and features we had done relating to domestic abuse. What we have found is that there is far more going on that we are not aware of.

"Many suffer in silence and maybe they felt that this was an ideal opportunity to tell their story. We feel that maybe women believe the police do not take them seriously enough when they report these incidents and that is certainly something we need to address. I would also like to see the government take notice and accept that domestic abuse takes many forms, both physical and emotional."

Emma Williamson, of domestic violence charity Womens Aid, was not surprised by the results.

She said: "In 2003-04, Womens Aid groups around England supported over 140,000 women and 106,000 children who had been the victims of violence in their homes.

"One in four women experience some form of domestic violence at some point during their lifetime. These different findings show how domestic violence can come in many forms, with emotional and sexual abuse being experienced within relationships alongside physical abuse, intimidation and harassment. It happens in all age groups and all walks of life."

Davina James-Hanman, director of the Greater London Domestic Violence Programme, added: "In the past 15 years, two women a week have been killed by a current or ex-partner. You don't know until you cross the line whether your partner is going to be one of those.

"Nothing destroys a woman more than sexual abuse and abusers know this. The one positive thing about so many women in the survey saying they have experienced this, is that they are actually admitting it's going on and that it's wrong. The scenario is all too familiar, he wants sex and she does not, but if she's intimidated by him, she will not fight him off. A lot of women don not think this is rape, but if you cannot say no, then rape is exactly what it is."

Maire Fahey added: "A recent interview we featured with a victim of domestic abuse caused a flood of letters from readers who had been in similar situations. We were shocked and moved by what these women have been through. It prompted us to investigate this issue further with this survey and the results make disturbing reading.

"We hope that by bringing this problem out in the open, more women will realise they are not alone. There is help out there if they need it. We want to give them the strength to seek it out."

Copyright © 2006 National News +44(0)207 684 3000

Razr V3

WHAT CAN I DO TO GET AWAY?

What can I do if I'm in a violent relationship?
The first step is acknowledging that it is happening to you and to stop playing down the abuse you are experiencing. Women’s Aid is here to help you come to terms with the violence.

The second step is to recognise that you are not to blame. No-one deserves to be assaulted, humiliated or abused, least of all by their partner in a supposedly caring relationship. Women often blame themselves because they have consistently been told it is their fault.

The third step is to begin seeking the help and support that is available. This step includes gaining emotional support and practical help. You can start this process by talking to a friend that you trust, calling the Women’s Aid Helpline, or contacting your local Women’s Aid group. You may want to start thinking about moving to somewhere safe, away from your abuser, or taking legal action that will protect you and stop the violence against you.

Getting free of abuse can be a lengthy process. Most women try to seek help or leave a number of times before they finally make the break.

The prospect of leaving an abusive relationship can be as frightening as the prospect of staying. It takes courage for a woman to reach out and seek help and this process can be painful and distressing.


How can women's Aid help you?

If you, or someone you know, is experiencing, or has experienced, physical, emotional or sexual violence in the home, the Women’s Aid 24 hour Helpline (0800 917 1414) can give you support, help and information.

You do not have to be in an emergency situation to contact the Women’s Aid Helpline.

The Helpline is staffed by paid and voluntary workers, as well as women who have experienced the benefits of Women's Aid themselves. The self-help process which allows women to take control of their own lives, underpins the work of Women's Aid. They will discuss the practical and legal options available to you and, where necessary, refer you onto a refuge, a local Women’s Aid group or other agency that can help. Your local Women’s Aid group may also offer aftercare or, face-to-face support.

You do not have to go to a refuge or leave your relationship to get support.

If you do decide to go to a refuge Women’s staff and help you devise a safety plan for leaving.

What is a Refuge?

A refuge is a safe house where you can live free from violence. It offers temporary accommodation and a breathing space where decisions can be made free from pressure and fear.

If you have children, you can take them with you, but you don’t have to have children to stay in a refuge. There are refuges throughout Northern Ireland -you can choose to travel as far away from, or stay as near to, your home town as you wish. It may also be possible to get accommodated in refuges run by similar organisations throughout the UK.

You can stay at the refuge for as long as you need, this can be anything from a few days to several months. The refuge will help you if you need to find somewhere permanent to stay.

Continuing support is available from the refuge workers when needed. The networks established among women in the refuges are a very important source of support.

How can I get referred to a Women's Aid refuge

There are no hard and fast procedures. Referrals may come through Social Services, Police, Homeless Advice Unit, Samaritans, and The Citizens Advice Bureau. You may get in touch with the refuge directly or through the Women's Aid Helpline. If you need to go to a refuge in an emergency, the police can take you when asked to help. Social workers and GP's also have lists of refuge addresses.

Who can go to a refuge?

Any woman, regardless of her religion, political outlook, culture or background.

How much does it cost?

If you have no income or are on income support, Housing Benefit covers rents. When you come to a refuge you are entitled to make a claim for income support. If you are on a low income the cost charged will reflect your ability to pay.

What facilities are there for families?

Living accommodation is shared, women cook for their own families and good laundry facilities are available for washing and drying clothes. Families will have their own sleeping accommodation. Outings and playgroups are sometimes arranged for the children.

What if I don't want to go to a refuge?

Many local Women’s Aid groups also run advice centres, drop in centres or outreach services to more isolated areas. You can call in to see someone or telephone for advice and support, without having to stay in a refuge.

How can I help a friend?

Click here for information on helping a friend.

A Safety Plan

Know where the nearest telephone is located.

Know where refuge can be sought.

Make a list of important and emergency numbers.

Save money for bus or taxi fare.

Have an extra set of keys to home and car.

Pack an emergency bag - take enough clothes, including school uniforms and children’s favourite possessions.

Consider when it is best to leave. Discuss it with the children. It is important to try to leave with all the children.

Keep important documents together e.g. benefit books, medical cards, certificates, bank books, legal orders etc.

Keep a note of the family’s essential medicines.

When Leaving
Leave when partner is not around.

Take all of the children.

Take personal belongings.

Take clothing for several days.

Take children's favourite toys.

Take medicine.

Take important documents (medical cards, passports etc).

THE MYTHS AND PREJUDICES ON DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

There are many popular myths and prejudices about domestic violence. Not only do these myths lead to many women feeling unable to seek help, but they can cause unnecessary suffering. They may come to believe these myths in an attempt to justify, minimise or deny the violence they are experiencing. Acknowledging these cultural barriers can be an important part of coming to terms with what is really happening.

“It’s just the odd domestic tiff, all couples have them.”

Fact: Violence by a man against the woman he lives with commonly includes rape, punching or hitting her, pulling her hair out, threatening her with a gun or a knife or even attempting to kill her. Often women who have been abused will say that the violence is not the worst of their experiences -it’s the emotional abuse that goes with it that feels more damaging.

“It can’t be that bad or she’d leave.”

Fact: Women stay in violent relationships for many reasons ranging from love to terror. There are also practical reasons why women stay; they may be afraid of the repercussions if they attempt to leave, they may be afraid of becoming homeless, they may worry about losing their children. Some women who have experienced domestic violence just don’t have the confidence to leave.

They may be frightened of being alone, particularly if their partner has isolated them from friends and family. If they leave, they may decide to go back because the children are really missing their dad, or because of fear and insecurity or because of a lack of support. Some women believe that their partners will change and that everything will be fine when they go home. (Sometimes the separation does provide a catalyst for real change).

“Domestic violence only happens in working class families.”

Fact: Anyone can be abused. The wives of doctors, lawyers, businessmen, policemen and teachers have all sought help as a result of domestic violence. Domestic violence crosses all boundaries including: age, sexuality, social and economic class, profession, religion and culture.

Unemployment and poverty are circumstances which can of course be very distressing, especially to those trying to bring up children. However, unemployed and financially challenged people do not have a monopoly on domestic violence. Many people survive the misfortune of unemployment and poverty retaining dignity, good humour and a caring response to their families.

“They must come from violent backgrounds”

Fact: Many men who are violent towards their families or their partner come from families with no history of violence. Many families in which violence occurs do not produce violent men. The family is not the only formative influence on behaviour. Blaming violence on men’s own experience can offer men an excuse for their own behaviour, but it denies the experiences of the majority of individual survivors of abuse who do not go on to abuse others. A violent man is responsible for his own actions and has a choice in how he behaves.

“It’s only drunks who beat their partners.”

Fact: Domestic violence cannot be blamed on alcohol. Some men may have been drinking when they are violent but drink can provide an easy excuse. Many men who are violent do not drink alcohol.”

“She must ask for it.”

Fact: No one ‘deserves’ being beaten or emotionally tortured, least of all by someone who says they love them. Often prolonged exposure to violence has the effect of distorting perspectives so that the woman believes that she deserves to be hurt. It also distorts her confidence and some women may start to rationalise their partner’s behaviour. Often, the only provocation has been that she has simply asked for money for food, or not had a meal ready on time, or been on the telephone too long.

Women often blame themselves because they have been consistently told that the violence is their fault.

GET ME OUT........... I CANNOT BREATHE

WOMEN DON'T STAY BECAUSE THEY WANT TO PUT UP WITH DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

SOMETIMES THEY STAY BECAUSE THEY HAVE TO AND THERE ARE MANY REASONS FOR EACH INDIVUAL CASE WHY THEY DO IT.
DON'T BE JUDGEMENTAL UNTIL YOU KNOW THE FULL STORY.
THREATS ARE VERY REAL !

DEFINITIONS

Sexual Assault And Battery

Sexual assault and battery is any uninvited or unwelcome touching or talking about the private parts of your body. Obscene phone calls, lewd gestures and remarks and indecent exposure are indirect assaults. They're usually done for the "thrill" the offender gets from your reaction, whether it is only surprise or hysteria. Sometime it is impossible for you to do anything to prevent coming in contact with someone who gets his kicks this way, but what you can do is keep your cool. No reaction. No visible upset. This is the best way to prevent this type of incident from escalating into something even more undesirable. All sexual assault and battery are alarming and repulsive, but rape and incest are the most frightening and have the severest consequences for the victim.

There are 2 categories of sexual assault and battery: rape and indecent assault and battery.
Rape: Occurs when the offender has sexual intercourse or unnatural sexual intercourse with a person against his or her will, causing submission by force. Rape also occurs if the victim is unable to give consent because he or she is unconscious. Rape and attempted rape are punishable by up to 20 years in prison. Indecent assault and battery: Occurs when the offender has intentional physical contact of a sexual nature with the victim against the victim's consent. Indecent assault and battery may be punished by up to 5 years in prison.

The Sexual Assault And Battery Prevention and Crisis Services gives technical assistance to sexual assault programs throughout the State. This program certifies sexual assault nurse examiners and provides training for volunteers in sexual assault programs. The goal of the Sexual Assault And Battery Unit is to provide multi-faceted services to victims of crime during a difficult, confusing and sometimes overwhelming experience. When a crime is reported, local police will work with the District Attorney's Office to investigate allegations of sexual assault, utilizing the State Police as needed. The Assistant District Attorneys work with Victim/Witness Advocates to provide consistent contact with victims through the investigation and prosecution of criminal cases.

STAND TOGETHER AND FIGHT

LINKS

http://www11.thdo.bbc.co.uk/worldservice/violence/who_campaign.shtml


http://www.cnr.edu/home/sas/commarts/storytelling/spring03/danielle/index.html


http://www.womeninfear.blogspot.com

What kind of world do we live in?

WHY ARE SO MANY WOMEN SUFFERING AT THE HANDS OF VIOLENT MEN?
WHY IS SENTENCING SO WEAK?
WHY ON RELEASE ...... DO WOMEN LIVE IN FEAR? IT IS BECAUSE THE LAW CANNOT PROTECT US 24/7
THESE MEN KNOW THIS THEREFORE CONTINUE TO GET AWAY WITH VIOLENT ACTS !!!!
WHAT CAN WE DO AS A NATION A WORLD....TO STOP THIS?